How to Deal with Bullying: Parent Edition

By Elizabeth Perzan, MSW, RSW

25% of Canadian children are bullied. That’s 1 in 4, and it only accounts for what has been reported.
We all know that the frequency is much higher.
 
Children that are bullied are more likely to feel sad, alone, and helpless. They often lose interest in their favourite activities, avoid school, and experience disruptions to their sleeping and eating patterns.

It is frustrating and worrisome to witness your child going through these issues while feeling powerless to help them. Many parents blame themselves, get angry at their child for not fighting back, rage against the school system and the perpetrator for causing so much heartache, and experience depressive symptoms (e.g., feelings of worthlessness, irritability, disturbed sleep, heightened anxiety and irritation) as a result.
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Is your child being bullied? Here's how you can help.

Recognize it:

• Notice unexplained injuries such as black eyes, bruises, scratches or destroyed clothing
• Stolen belongings: money/lunches
• Frequent complaints of stomach aches and headaches
• Skipping school or faking sick to get out of school or activities
• Changes in child’s sleeping and/or eating behaviours.
• Decrease in school grades and/or participation
• Loss of interest in favourite activities
• Avoiding social situations
• Self-harming behaviours (e.g., cutting, burning, scratching, hair-pulling, deliberately putting self in harm’s way, etc.).
• Decrease in mood, feeling sad, lonely and helpless

Here are some helpful things that you can do: 

• Speak to your child about bullying. Ensure they understand bullying and that it is not acceptable. 
• Let your child know you are there for them.
• Listen and ask open ended questions to explore your child’s life at school
• Check in with them about bullying on a regular basis
• Role model how to treat others
• Encourage your child to tell an adult or teacher if bullying does occur

Strategies to STOP bullying:

• Intervene immediately by informing the child’s school, teacher, and bus driver
• Separate the children involved
• When intervening, role model respectful behaviour. Approach the situation as if it is a misunderstanding that you’d like to clear up. If you act confrontational with the intent to punish, you’ll put them on the defensive and nothing productive will happen.
• Make a plan with the child and school when bullying occurs. The school should connect with the bully’s parent. If the teacher does not connect with the parents, speak to the principal. If the principal does not, contact the school board.
• Have child tell the bully to “leave me alone” or “stop” or “enough”. Then walk away. Have them practice at home until it’s automatic.
• Reassure your child to tell an adult: teacher, parent, and/or school counselor.
• Practice a visualization technique with your child. Have them visualize a shield around them: picture anything the bully says bouncing right off the shield
• If your child is being bullied online: tell them to not respond and block them
• Encourage your child to not bully a person back, or to keep it to themselves
• Encourage your child to attend school or after-school activities

 
 
Resources
Canada's Anti-Bullying Reporting Program: Bullying Statistics, Cyberbullying. (2014). - STOP A BULLY. Retrieved from http://www.stopabully.ca/http://www.stopabully.ca/bullying-statistics.html
Helping Kids Deal With Bullies. (2013). Kidshealth.org. Retrieved from http://kidshealth.org/
StopBullying.gov. (2017). StopBullying.gov. Retrieved from https://www.stopbullying.gov/