How to Survive the Holidays with Your Family

By Kelly Graham, MSW, RSW

​While many of us love our family, sometimes spending a lot of time with them during the holidays can be stressful. Not only do you have the stress of trying to cook, clean, decorate, buy presents, etc., but then you have to try to be happy and cheerful and interact with your family. Don’t feel guilty; it happens to the best of us. We are already stressed with everything extra the holidays throw at us, but then we have to try and hide the stress and make sure everyone is having a good time. It’s enough to drive anyone crazy.
 
During the holidays you have the pressure to buy the perfect gift, cook the perfect meal, have the best decorations, and you have the stress of having to afford it all. We have the pressure of trying to follow tradition and make every holiday as good as, or better than the last. We just have to accept that fact that we can’t make the turkey exactly the way grandma did; and that’s ok. This also all happens during cold and flu season, so many of us are functioning at less than 100% because we are sick or trying to fight it off.  

​If you don’t spend a lot of time with your family, or certain members, the holidays are a time when you are all forced to come together and celebrate. Not that it’s necessarily a bad thing, but there may be a certain reason you don’t see them that often. They could be a toxic influence in your life, there may be unresolved problems between you two, or you just don’t seem to get along. While every family is unique, there are many times when there is family drama happening. The holidays are either a great place for this drama to come out or where everyone tries to ignore it and put on a happy face. Either one can be stressful. Even if there’s not drama, having that one relative that keeps asking when you’re going to get married, or have babies, or get a real job can be annoying and stressful.  

Here are some things you can do to make it easier for yourself:
 

1. Prepare. If you know you are cooking or hosting, have a plan ahead of time. Get all of your shopping, decorating, baking, anything you can do before the big day, done ahead of time. This will help save you time on the day of so you feel less stressed.
2. Take Time-Outs. If you feel like you’re getting overwhelmed, take some deep breaths and try to relax. Whether it is hiding in the bathroom for a few minutes, or getting some fresh air, find somewhere you can be alone. Take a deep breath in for the count of 4, hold it for the count of 4, then slowly release it for the count of 4. Do this as many times as you need to until you feel less stressed.
3. Self Care. Make sure that before, during, and after, you are doing something to take care of yourself. Take time to do something that you enjoy so that some of the stress can melt away.
4. Distract Yourself. Playing with a pet, a child, or just fidgeting with something, can help distract you from what is going on and take your mind off of the stressful situation.
5. Ask for Help. Whether it’s with doing any prep, cooking, or even just somebody to check in with you and help make sure you’re ok. Ask somebody that you trust, and that doesn’t cause you stress.
6. Potluck. Have your family bring food so that you have less you have to buy and cook. Having someone bring something as simple as a veggie tray or dinner rolls can save you time and help ease your stress.
7. Keep Your Expectations Realistic. If you know that family gatherings are always stressful for you, don’t expect it to be different this time. It might be, and that would be great! But it’s better to be prepared for how to handle the stress and not have to use it, then to not be prepared and be overwhelmed.

 
While the stress can consume you during the holidays, try and find a way that you can still enjoy them. Watch your favourite holiday movie, or eat that food you’ve been waiting a whole year to eat again, anything that makes you happy during the holidays. This can be a stressful time for everybody, but try and focus on the positive things that happen during them. This way you can still enjoy the holidays and not let the stress ruin them for you.